God is Faithful

I haven't updated this blog in awhile for a very specific reason. I knew that I would not be able to contain my excitement for what was happening.

I'm pregnant!!!!!! Not only am I pregnant but at just shy of 12 weeks we heard our sweet little one's heart beating away. My nurse practitioner said that at the end of your first trimester, hearing the heartbeat on the Doppler is a very good sign and that my risk of miscarrying is now down below 3%.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that it seems like this one is going to stick. I know there are no guarantees, but I am trusting in God's plan for this all. I am amazed at how much trust God has built into me over the last 6 months. With my history of miscarriage/chemical pregnancy I would have assumed that I would be a wreck for the first trimester of my next pregnancy. Instead, God gave me so much peace and reassurance that I couldn't help but trust. It has been helpful that I have dealt with some pretty substantial morning sickness (going on 5 days without throwing up! Woo Hoo!) and I have really "felt" pregnant this time. It's all God. Left to my own devices I would have been fearful, anxious, and lacking of any trust. But in His great mercy and grace, God has given me so much peace and calmness.

I won't keep rambling on and on, but realize this: God is faithful. He hears our prayers and He answers them. God is bigger than our problems and He knows what is best for us and so I will choose to trust Him through this pregnancy, knowing that His ways are higher than mine and He works all things together for the GOOD of those who love him.

God is so very good :)

Raft Trip

This summer Greg and I had the wonderful opportunity to travel to West Virginia with 140 middle and high school students for Raft Trip. Greg participated in this as both a rafter and a leader while he was in high school and we couldn't wait to get the chance to help out with something that had such a large impact on his life. Greg always spoke of this trip with such enthusiasm and excitement and I was so thrilled to get to experience it for myself.

The trip itself was amazing. Just being in God's creation for a whole week without cell phones, computers, and tv's to distract us was great. I was reminded, so often over the course of the week, to be in awe of God's creation. The speaker for the week opened the first night with a story about a little boy and a ring pop. This little boy was so excited when he finally opened his ring pop (after trying for what seemed to be an eternity) that he stated with wonder, "It's Wed." Just imagine how this little boy was so excited over a red ring pop. Think about it. After this sermon, we walked outside. I looked up and the sky was painted with hues of pink, peach, and red. I couldn't help but say "it's wed!"

The whole week was filled with wonder, awe, excitement, laughter, and praise. We saw 15 teenagers get baptized in the New River. It seemed fitting that they were baptized there, they are new creations. I thought of how similarly their baptisms were to the first church. No troughs, no bathtubs built into the church, just them, a river, and God's creation. We heard stories of healing and of pure joy for being adopted into Jesus' family. I was reminded of how articulate teens can be. I also forgot how much energy they have! Sheesh, I just couldn't keep up with them!

We served, made meals, and simply spent time with the kids. Not to mention, I got to spend time with one of my best friends Cassie and her husband Caleb. We white water rafted, hiked up a raging creek bed, and slid down sliding rock. We praised Jesus with worship in a cathedral created by trees and light from the campfire. We prayed. We loved it. The experience was tiring and I was glad to be home. Now, a month later, I am longing to be back there. Life seemed simpler there, less distracted. I hope that someday we can do something similar for the teens we know. Take them away from cell phones and facebook and reintroduce them to their creator.


The Students getting ready to go

The view from the New River Bridge




Baptisms at Sliding rock


Campfire


This was my favorite moment, father and son right after he was baptized.


Didn't these girls prepare such a nice meal?!


Sliding Rock

Sliding Rock again

Kickball Tournament



Beautiful view from Babcock State Park

The creek we climbed through

Sometimes I'm a Jonah

I should start this post with talking a little bit about what my last week has looked like. Greg and I had the great privilege of serving a bunch of middle school and high school kids on Raft Trip. I will have more posts with pictures and stories later, for now you get a recap of a sermon that really got my attention.

I have a confession. Sometimes, I act a lot like Jonah.

Now, I must explain, the Jonah I know today is much different than the one I knew about when I was little. You know, Jonah who runs away from God, gets swallowed by a whale, repents, and goes to Nineveh to preach to the people.

Today, after this sermon, Jonah looks a lot different to me.

Brian Clay was our speaker for the week and he really opened my eyes to the real story of Jonah. The following is somewhat of a recap of a sermon he did about Jonah.

Jonah was kind of a punk. First, he runs away from God, which as we all know is silly since God is everywhere. Silly, Jonah. Then, when a storm comes upon their ship he tells the men to throw him overboard. Sounds like a selfless thing to do, right? Well, when we dig deeper into the consequences of throwing a prophet overboard, we find that because prophets were so important during this time, it was well known that death would come upon anyone who harmed a prophet. Basically, this means Jonah was not only willing to die so he didn't have to go to Ninevah, but he was also willing to let innocent men die for harming a prophet. He could have jumped of the boat, right? But he didn't, he asked the men to throw him over. The men knew that he was a prophet, so they tried to row back, but the storm grew worse and they had no choice but to throw Jonah overboard. Jonah 1:14 says "They cried to the Lord "O Lord, please do not let us die for taking this man's life..." They knew what they were about to do could mean death for them.

After all of this, the sea quiets, and Jonah is swallowed by a giant fish and the men live. Now, this isn't Jiminy Cricket, he didn't sit with a lantern in the belly of the fish. He was swallowed. Yuck.

Now, this is where things get interesting. We were all taught that Jonah repents and the whale nicely coughs him onto shore. Sounds like a nice story, right? But wait, go to your bible and look up Jonah 2:2-10. Once you have it looked up, circle all the I's and Me's in his prayer. Here, I will help you out.

From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God.

² He said:

In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry. ³ You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. ⁴ I said, 'I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again towards your holy temple.' ⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in for ever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God. ⁷When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple. ⁸Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.¹⁰And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

So, usually when someone repents, they say Sorry, Lord, I really messed up, please forgive me, I will do whatever you ask. I just don't see that in Jonah's prayer. I hear a lot about what happened, how he prayed to God, and how he is still bitter towards the Ninevites, even implying that they have already forfeited the grace that could be theirs. Then, get this, the fish VOMITS him onto dry land. Not cough, not deliver, not even spit. He VOMITS. I'm sorry, but this does not seem pleasant to me. I really don't think God was too happy with Jonah, but he was gracious and merciful and gave him a second chance.

At this point, we expect that Jonah would go into the city, willingly, and preach God's grace to them. I mean, he was just shown an enormous amount of grace for being so utterly disobedient. First we need some information. Nineveh is a BIG city, it takes 3 days to travel through. Yet, Jonah walks in, and on the first day (of what should take 3) basically says there is no hope, your all gonna die. Jonah 3:4 "On the first day, Jonah started into the city. He proclaimed " Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned." Sounds hopeful, right?

Here is the crazy part. Nineveh repents and turns away from their horrible ways (these people were bad people, I mean they sacrificed babies to their false gods kind of bad). God shows them grace and did not bring destruction.

Even crazier is what Jonah does next. He rejoices and the story ends. Wait. No, thats not what happens! He pouts and becomes so angry with God that he even tells God off. I'm sorry, what?! He tells God off. He, acting like a three year old, responds to God by saying he is so angry he could die. Then, wait it gets better, he goes and builds a shelter outside of the city to watch and wait for them to screw up. He wants them to fail. He is so prideful and self righteous that he hopes for their failure.

Even more astounding is what God does next. At this point, I'm fully expecting some righteous anger from God. But what does he do? He gently and patiently teaches Jonah a lesson about grace and love. He provides a vine to shelter Jonah, which makes him happy. Then, has a worm eat it. Not surprisingly, Jonah gets mad and wishes to die again, and then God speaks.

"⁹ But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
"I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."

¹⁰ But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. ¹¹ But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

We don't get to see Jonah's response, but I'm hoping it was of repentance. I had never read the book of Jonah with this view before and it has opened my eyes so much. I saw God's patience, love, and grace shine through this entire story. God could have easily let Jonah die, and find a different prophet to do His will, one who was obedient. But He didn't, he chose to teach Jonah a lesson. Not only Jonah, but many more, including me.

I got 3 main points from this: 1. When we are disobedient, we look foolish. 2. God has more ways of accomplishing His will, than we do of avoiding it. 3. God is full of grace, compassion, and patience.

I can see Jonah in myself sometimes. I get impatient with God, mad about things that I shouldn't, and run away when I should be obedient. I pout about things not going the way I think they should. Sometimes, I forget how patient and full of mercy God is. I forget that he is often trying to teach us lessons in loving one another, even those who seem unlovable.

I will forever see Jonah in a different light and I'm thankful that God has opened my eyes to see the real story of Jonah and the whale.

The Father's Love

I have been trying to wrap my head around all that was summer conference to compose a coherent post about all that I thought and felt. Well, at least the important stuff. I gave up. I do not think that I can completely wrap my head around everything.

The theme of the conference was "The Father's Love." I knew that this conference could be hard with all of my father issues. Brief explanation: I didn't really have a dad growing up. Well, I was right. Some of the topics were hard to swallow simply because I had a very distorted view of fatherhood due to my earthly father being a bad example of fatherhood.

One session was particularly difficult. The session itself wasn't too bad. I really absorbed a lot during it and wasn't emotional or distant. At the end, the pastor came up and began to pray. All of the sudden he began to pray "He is father to the fatherless" and I lost it. I began to weep at the thought. I had known this much of my life and really embraced it in high school, but for some reason it never really sunk in that I was fatherless. I had a dad, he was just a deadbeat dad. But I was, and am, fatherless.

As he prayed, I began to really feel the weight of all that was being dredged up. I just cried. I went up and got prayer, but it wasn't super helpful or relevant to what I was going through. So some friends who know my situation were going to pray for me later, long story short it didn't work out.

The next session was up and here I am still dealing with, well more or less suppressing, all that had been dredged up. So we went on with the next session and I sat, listened, and absorbed. Then, prayer time. This time he asked people who struggle with comparisons to come up. Well, thats me, again. I began to think God was messing with me, Gee thanks God way to dredge up all my deep seeded insecurities. I head up, praying that God will speak through someone more clearly than before. I wait. Then a hand on my shoulder and Emi begins praying for me. Thanks, God for sending someone I know. Let me tell you, I have only ugly cried once during prayer. Well, now I have twice.

I could go through the whole experience, but this blog is getting pretty long, so I will make it short. Basically, God really got to me about being his daughter, being worthy, and being precious in His sight. I really felt the Holy Spirit moving and just stirring up this realization that I am precious in His sight. Later in the conference I was praying and got this image of me as a young girl walking with God, father God looking as fatherly as you would expect, and as we walked we talked and laughed and he reminded me of how precious I was to him. It was this beautiful image of fatherhood and my role as a daughter with a father who loves and cares for me.

Father God loves us deeply and we often forget just how precious we are to Him. Since conference the word precious has really stuck with me. I was also able to let go of some bitterness and anger towards others that I had been holding onto. All of that to say that conference was so good, so impacting, and perception changing.

Marriage in Today's Society as seen through Jon and Kate Plus 8

Maybe tomorrow I will write an update blog, a lots been going on! But for the past couple weeks I have been thinking a lot about marriage in today's society. Mainly I have been thinking of the fragility of marriage today.
How often, these days, do you hear of marriages that last? How often do you see people divorce. I would say the latter is definitely winning at this point. I have always felt like marriage today is disposable. It is no longer "til death do us part" it is now "til dislike do us part" Marriage is no longer sacred (another topic for another day), no longer looked upon as something that is unending, and no longer something that people take seriously. Marriage is disposable. They even have a new term for first marriages that end in divorce... They are called the "starter marriage." Because really you can't get it right the first time and those vows you said meant nothing. Its like the "oops marriage." Oh Im sorry, I made a mistake, Oh well lets get divorced. People don't see the impact that it places on others or even themselves for that matter.


Anyways, my title had something to do with Jon and Kate plus 8 for a reason. As most people know, they may be getting divorced (some say its a ratings boost, some say there really are problems). Honestly, its not our life and not our place to even know. However, they have willingly placed themselves in the public eye and decided to show the world all of their problems. If you follow the show, you know that they just renewed their vows to say to their children that they would be together forever. Well now that their are affair rumors, tabloid stories, and the like, thus they may dissolve. What many people have been talking about is how this is affecting their children. I agree that now with them allowing the camera's to continue rolling, they are documenting something that will or could inevitably scar their children. It is not only difficult to see your parent's divorce, but utterly devastating to have it documented on a reality television show.



To my point, people seem to be forgetting how things that they do affect those around them. I can hope and pray that this family (as well as many others) will fight for their marriage and fight for the love that they once shared, but I am not those people. I do not know what is best for them or for their families. What I do know is this, this trend, this disposable marriage, is simply evidence of the loss of love for one another in today's culture. The loss of family. The loss of community. We are individualistic and we only want what is best for me, myself, and I. Until we realize that this life is not about us and start living that way, divorce rates will climb and people will continue to look out for only themselves. Jesus commands us to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Love God, Love Others. Nowhere does it say that we should put ourselves first or even second for that matter. Put God first, then family, marriage, friendships, strangers, the list goes on. Then once you get through those you can worry about yourself.



I could blog, write, type, scream, and yell about this all day. Nothing will change until people realize the significance of putting others before themselves, not giving up, and fighting for what you love and what you believe in. Love God. Love People. Fight for Love. Don't give up, don't lay down and take it, do something. Change. Grow. People have lost the will to fight for love. Don't lose it, fight everyday. Fight for what is right and good. Fight for marriage, for family, for your friendships. Just don't give up.

Up, Down, All around

Curve balls are an expected, obvious part of life. Over the past few months I have seen my fair share of curve balls, plus some.

I wanted to go to grad school, then I didn't, then I wanted to go for school counseling, then I was unsure, then I wanted to start an orphanage, then I was unsure, then it all got flipped on its side. I had said for the past month that if I did not get into grad school I would probably see that as my answer as to whether or not I should go. Then, it came, the email of all emails. My husband warned me of its arrival (but did so in a deceiving manner). The words were clear as day, yet stark as night. "You have many qualities that we like to see in a school counselor, HOWEVER, because of the great pool of people you have been placed on our wait list."

I had waited for this moment for a month, my expectations were that I would be fine either way, ecstatic if I got in, relieved if I did not. Emotions are tricky, they sneak up on you when you least expect them. I bawled. I cried for the whole night basically. Although it was not a clear rejection, it was like getting dumped. Lets just be friends and see where it goes from there.

So, as I always say, what now, what are you going to do about it. After the initial rejection wore off, relief did come. Relief that I may be able to start a family sooner than I had thought, relief that I have the option of starting the orphanage/group home, relief that I can be a foster parent within the next 4 years. My relief was just a bit delayed, due to the snow perhaps.

Now, I still feel like Im floundering a bit. I don't yet know if I have clear direction. But, man I love working with my kids. Ive only had them for a couple weeks and they stress me out and make me crazy, but I love them. Needless to say, I like my job.

Also, I have options, I am not bound to one major or one career path. I just keep praying that God uses me however he pleases, and that my flip-flop-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-life-feel-like-Im-going-in-a-million-directions funk doesn't get in the way of HIS plans for my life.

Maybe Im just a little bit crazy (you have to be to work in social work), but I am kind of liking where I am at all the sudden. Not completely knowing lends to my reliance on God, and thats a good place to be.

There's your update, in as creative of a blog as I can muster after a long day.

Who knows, maybe I will just end up a photographer, God has done stranger things...