Its been awhile!

My husband told me a few weeks ago that I hadn't blogged in awhile. I haven't have I? I have been so stinkin' busy with school and work that I haven't had time for anything. Part of that is true and part is poor time management. Either way, I am so glad to be on break! School was great, I learned a lot and I survived my first semester. Next semester should be interesting.

In case you live under a rock and didn't know, ITS CHRISTMAS! My absolute favorite time of year. My birthday and favorite holiday all wrapped into one glorious day. Also, it is a great time to see old friends and family who live in Fort Wayne. I'm excited. I love doing Christmas with the hubs, but man does he have a horrible time holding onto gifts. We are doing our Christmas Tues morning and he has already tried to talk me into doing it early. I said no, mainly because he gave me my birthday present a whopping 2.5 weeks early. I love that we are making our own traditions now, I can't wait to see what that looks like when we have a family.

I also really like this time of year because it is all about giving. I am so thankful that my husband is so giving. I can't wait until we actually have an income and can give more than we do now. Isn't that what everyday should be about, giving away the love that God gave us with whatever resources we have?

I have also been thinking a lot about friendship lately. A little over a year ago in October, a really really good friend and I had a huge blow up. We haven't talked on the phone or in person since. There was a lot that went into that blow up, along with us just growing apart, but lately she has been on my mind a lot. I've been praying for her often. I really hope that someday that friendship will be mended and that I can invite her to my church. I feel like she would meet Jesus in a whole new way. This has also got me thinking about making friends. I have the hardest time with this, I think because, at some point, I decided people needed to befriend me. I forgot that I could befriend others. I read a blog posted by the lead singer of Addison Road here and she talked about making a new friend.

It was an "a-ha" moment for me. God made me capable of making new friends. Now, this all seems kind of silly as I write it, but I have always had a really hard time making new friends. It takes me awhile to be myself around people and feel comfortable, for a lot of different reasons. I also seem to have bad luck, I joke often with Greg that I don't want to say that "so and so" and I could be great friends because usually it turns out the opposite, and I never know why. Anyways, I digress. The point, if you couldn't seem to find it hidden amongst all of the rambling, is that I decided that I can make friends. I will make friends. So, all you friendless people better watch out. I'm a woman on a mission to make some more friends.

Well, its late, and I need to get up and go to church in the am. Merry Christmas!

Life in Transition

I said I would write an update blog, and here it is.

Right now the word that best captures this time in my life is Transition. I have transitioned to being a married woman, transitioned out of school, into the working world, and a lot of my friendships have been transitioning as well. I will also be making more transitions in the coming years. For a person who does not always adjust well to change, transition is a daunting word to describe your life.

For this reason, life has been somewhat difficult as of late. I have lost friends for various reasons. I have had a lot of friends move out of state, lost some to difficult situations, and others to reasons unknown to me. I have also gained friends, but for me I have always had a very difficult time making friends. I gain a lot of acquaintances, but few deep friends who I feel that I really connect with. One of my best friends just moved away out of state and now I feel that I am back in that place. A place where I feel lonely and in need of some serious girl time. Granted, she just left yesterday, I have realized that her absence leaves me with few deep married girl friendships. I have other married friends that I adore, don't get me wrong, but none that I have connected with on that level, at least yet.

So I pray. I have been praying for awhile now, and receiving prayer, that I would find a friend to fill that spot. God desires for us to have deep lasting relationships with one another. I have found that without that in my life, it is much easier for me to make a mess of it. I have struggled for a long time with feeling left out and as if I don't fit in, anywhere. I had a friend tell me once that she thought I was a "popular girl." Flattered, but confused, I laughed and asked why she would think such a thing. She explained and yet I sat there thinking that could never be, Ive never been popular. I struggle a lot with that, to this day. I take things too personally, and find ways that people ignore me or reasons that they must dislike me. I spend much of my time worrying what others think of me, rather than just simply working on the areas that need an extra bit of love and development.

So what will I do? I will work on myself. Not worry so much whether or not people like me or if I fit in. I will rely on God to bring me that deep friendship and continue to nurture the ones I have made over the past few years. I will learn to be me and let people accept me for just that, and if they don't accept me for who I am, I will learn to be ok with that.

Easier said than done I suppose. I'm a work in progress.