So, if you go back a couple of blogs you will see my utter disappointment over not getting into grad school....
...
...
Did you see it? How sad I was, how I realized how badly I wanted to go...
Well, Guess what?!!
I GOT IN! Woot Woot!
They called me and asked if I was still interested.
I go meet with a department head next week. I can't wait.
Maybe God was teaching me a bit of patience.... Because one of the hardest lessons I am learning is that His timing is not always mine.
However, He always pulls through.
Blog on spring soon to follow!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Updates
A lot has happened since I last blogged. Some good, some bad, some funny, and some mediocre. So, I feel that it is time that I give an update.
1. Church.
Lots of good has happened with our church lately! Lets start with spring leaders retreat. It was AWESOME! I got some really great prayer, got closer with a few friends, and got baptized. Yup, you heard me, baptized. In a freezing cold pond, none the less. I have always wanted to be baptized, just kept putting it off (Ive been saved since my freshman year in high school). I think, well I know, God always knew that it would happen like this. I was baptized with (right before) my husband, at a church that I care so much about, with people I love near me. It couldn't have been any better (well warmer water would have been nice). Next we all worked our butts off to get into the new church building. I was so inspired by all of the people spending the majority of their free times working to make our church run. I was just happy to be a tiny part of such a great community of people coming together to make it work. Then Easter, we had our first service in our new building. It was amazing. Standing room only (I knew that would happen) and I was just so impressed with all of the leaders. If you can't tell, I am really proud to be a part of this church. Also, we had our families with us. My mom came down as well as Greg's parents and his younger sister. His sister, her husband and kids came too. Secretly, Greg and I are holding out that they will come be a part of our church.
2. Work
Um, well, lets see. Work is, well, work. Its hard and stressful and Im at the point were Im realizing that my life work is probably not in case management. I just don't know if I am detail oriented enough to fully function well in my job. I love what I am doing with my kids. I actually had one of my clients dad's tell me what a difference I have been making and how much he appreciates me. That doesn't happen often in social work and I am really thankful for that. I have also had a breakthrough with one of my teenagers, they got me close to crying, but I held it together. I just wish I could do all of this without having to worry about billing or paperwork, but thats not how the world works so I am going to have to find a way to push through, get organized, and challenge myself to be detail oriented.
3. Life
Life is crazy right now. We have been so busy that I feel like the last two months have just flown by. Lately, I have been shutting off when I get home from work. I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted that by the time I get home all I want to do is watch tv or be on the computer playing mindless games. That is not what I want my life to look like. I want to be young, vibrant, and active while I can. I want to give myself to my husband, rather than shut him out because I just can't deal. They tell you not to bring your work home with you, but my work has become my life. Are my kids doing ok? Will they call tonight? Who is getting removed this week? Will there be any suicide threats? Could I lose one? The list goes on. Im consumed with the what ifs and the whens. I have to find a way to shut off social worker Heather and turn on wife and friend Heather when I get home. I haven't done any photography in the past couple month's and its starting to show. I need that source of beauty and creativity in my life. Its a way that I can use my emotions and feelings and express them in a positive and healthy manner. Anyone need their picture taken?
Well Im tired and I have a somewhat busy day tomorrow, mostly paperwork (ugh). So I am off to bed, good night and sweet dreams.
1. Church.
Lots of good has happened with our church lately! Lets start with spring leaders retreat. It was AWESOME! I got some really great prayer, got closer with a few friends, and got baptized. Yup, you heard me, baptized. In a freezing cold pond, none the less. I have always wanted to be baptized, just kept putting it off (Ive been saved since my freshman year in high school). I think, well I know, God always knew that it would happen like this. I was baptized with (right before) my husband, at a church that I care so much about, with people I love near me. It couldn't have been any better (well warmer water would have been nice). Next we all worked our butts off to get into the new church building. I was so inspired by all of the people spending the majority of their free times working to make our church run. I was just happy to be a tiny part of such a great community of people coming together to make it work. Then Easter, we had our first service in our new building. It was amazing. Standing room only (I knew that would happen) and I was just so impressed with all of the leaders. If you can't tell, I am really proud to be a part of this church. Also, we had our families with us. My mom came down as well as Greg's parents and his younger sister. His sister, her husband and kids came too. Secretly, Greg and I are holding out that they will come be a part of our church.
2. Work
Um, well, lets see. Work is, well, work. Its hard and stressful and Im at the point were Im realizing that my life work is probably not in case management. I just don't know if I am detail oriented enough to fully function well in my job. I love what I am doing with my kids. I actually had one of my clients dad's tell me what a difference I have been making and how much he appreciates me. That doesn't happen often in social work and I am really thankful for that. I have also had a breakthrough with one of my teenagers, they got me close to crying, but I held it together. I just wish I could do all of this without having to worry about billing or paperwork, but thats not how the world works so I am going to have to find a way to push through, get organized, and challenge myself to be detail oriented.
3. Life
Life is crazy right now. We have been so busy that I feel like the last two months have just flown by. Lately, I have been shutting off when I get home from work. I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted that by the time I get home all I want to do is watch tv or be on the computer playing mindless games. That is not what I want my life to look like. I want to be young, vibrant, and active while I can. I want to give myself to my husband, rather than shut him out because I just can't deal. They tell you not to bring your work home with you, but my work has become my life. Are my kids doing ok? Will they call tonight? Who is getting removed this week? Will there be any suicide threats? Could I lose one? The list goes on. Im consumed with the what ifs and the whens. I have to find a way to shut off social worker Heather and turn on wife and friend Heather when I get home. I haven't done any photography in the past couple month's and its starting to show. I need that source of beauty and creativity in my life. Its a way that I can use my emotions and feelings and express them in a positive and healthy manner. Anyone need their picture taken?
Well Im tired and I have a somewhat busy day tomorrow, mostly paperwork (ugh). So I am off to bed, good night and sweet dreams.
Friday, March 13, 2009
when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!!
Whenever I have a down or depressing week(s), I tend to be at my most creative. Lately, thoughts have been coming in and out of my head that I never seem to have the chance to write down. So, in as coherent of a blog as I can write, I will try to recall some of those moments of insight.
For some reason, this week the thought that keeps reoccurring is to live at the edge of your emotions. Simply put, don't hold back. Why do we have a tendency to hide how we really feel or act in certain ways to mask our emotions?
So I challenge you (the one reader I have), to live at the edge of your emotions.
If you feel like laughing; laugh loud, long, and until your belly aches. If you feel like crying; cry, sob, weep, and let the tears flow. If you feel happy; be joyous, tell people your good news, dance, sing, praise God. If your heart aches, mourn, grieve, allow it time to ache. If your mad, be mad, though not for long, get angry, punch a pillow. If you feel silly, be silly, giggle, crack jokes, be a dork. Just allow yourself to have emotion.
In our society we try so hard to fight emotion. We take pills, we cover our faces, we go to another room. We act as though know one should know how we truly feel. We act as though we are "fine", because heaven forbid we ever get down or feel sad or become emotional.
We hold back because we don't want to let others know that there is a problem. We are all fighting to be strong for each other, but in doing so we forget how to just feel. To just be. To just laugh, cry, get mad, or be silly.
Also, I challenge you, and me because I struggle with this so much, to allow others to see your down emotions. Its a lot easier to be happy and goofy with someone than it is to be sad or depressed.
What is life if we don't live it fully? Why do we have emotions if we are just going to mask them?
God gave us feelings, he gave us tear ducts, funny bones, smiles, frowns, and laughter for a reason.
Try it, don't hold back, go for it. You will feel much better when its all over. Promise.
For some reason, this week the thought that keeps reoccurring is to live at the edge of your emotions. Simply put, don't hold back. Why do we have a tendency to hide how we really feel or act in certain ways to mask our emotions?
So I challenge you (the one reader I have), to live at the edge of your emotions.
If you feel like laughing; laugh loud, long, and until your belly aches. If you feel like crying; cry, sob, weep, and let the tears flow. If you feel happy; be joyous, tell people your good news, dance, sing, praise God. If your heart aches, mourn, grieve, allow it time to ache. If your mad, be mad, though not for long, get angry, punch a pillow. If you feel silly, be silly, giggle, crack jokes, be a dork. Just allow yourself to have emotion.
In our society we try so hard to fight emotion. We take pills, we cover our faces, we go to another room. We act as though know one should know how we truly feel. We act as though we are "fine", because heaven forbid we ever get down or feel sad or become emotional.
We hold back because we don't want to let others know that there is a problem. We are all fighting to be strong for each other, but in doing so we forget how to just feel. To just be. To just laugh, cry, get mad, or be silly.
Also, I challenge you, and me because I struggle with this so much, to allow others to see your down emotions. Its a lot easier to be happy and goofy with someone than it is to be sad or depressed.
What is life if we don't live it fully? Why do we have emotions if we are just going to mask them?
God gave us feelings, he gave us tear ducts, funny bones, smiles, frowns, and laughter for a reason.
Try it, don't hold back, go for it. You will feel much better when its all over. Promise.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Never ceases to amaze me
I have a fitting saying for my life at the moment (it goes with the weather as well), When it rains, it pours.
I feel like everything is just crashing down around me. People are getting arrested, my great grandmother died, and marriage turns out to actually be hard at times.
Lets start at the point that this all started, last monday I got a call that my great grandmother had passed away that morning. Now, most people may think because she was my great-grandma, that I probably wasnt close to her. BUT, due to the young mothers in my family she was only 89 (if that requires an only in front of it) and she is the reason I came to Christ. She was more like a grandmother than anything. She put me through high school at a Christian school (at a cost of like 4500/yr) because she thought I would thrive there. She helped my mother and I financially on many occasions and she cared for our futures. So, I miss her and wish I would have been a little less selfish with my time and spent more time with her. Bad day/week 1.
Next off, I come home to find out that I have some serious problems at work, I have a kid about to be in the hospital and another whose parent was just arrested. Awesome. Burn out is supposed to happen after like a year, not a month. Social work.
Then, marriage gets hard. Nothing monstrous or terribly bad, just coupled with everything else creates more tension in my life than I prefer. Dont worry, Im not badmouthing my husband and we aren't fighting. Marriage just has its downs sometimes, and right now is one of them. Life happens and things come up. Life.
Oh and the wabash is flooding, possibly for a week or two, which means I could have to work from home for the next week or so, and I had a ton of paperwork to do this week. Floods.
So there is my little rant. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe.
I feel like everything is just crashing down around me. People are getting arrested, my great grandmother died, and marriage turns out to actually be hard at times.
Lets start at the point that this all started, last monday I got a call that my great grandmother had passed away that morning. Now, most people may think because she was my great-grandma, that I probably wasnt close to her. BUT, due to the young mothers in my family she was only 89 (if that requires an only in front of it) and she is the reason I came to Christ. She was more like a grandmother than anything. She put me through high school at a Christian school (at a cost of like 4500/yr) because she thought I would thrive there. She helped my mother and I financially on many occasions and she cared for our futures. So, I miss her and wish I would have been a little less selfish with my time and spent more time with her. Bad day/week 1.
Next off, I come home to find out that I have some serious problems at work, I have a kid about to be in the hospital and another whose parent was just arrested. Awesome. Burn out is supposed to happen after like a year, not a month. Social work.
Then, marriage gets hard. Nothing monstrous or terribly bad, just coupled with everything else creates more tension in my life than I prefer. Dont worry, Im not badmouthing my husband and we aren't fighting. Marriage just has its downs sometimes, and right now is one of them. Life happens and things come up. Life.
Oh and the wabash is flooding, possibly for a week or two, which means I could have to work from home for the next week or so, and I had a ton of paperwork to do this week. Floods.
So there is my little rant. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Up, Down, All around
Curve balls are an expected, obvious part of life. Over the past few months I have seen my fair share of curve balls, plus some.
I wanted to go to grad school, then I didn't, then I wanted to go for school counseling, then I was unsure, then I wanted to start an orphanage, then I was unsure, then it all got flipped on its side. I had said for the past month that if I did not get into grad school I would probably see that as my answer as to whether or not I should go. Then, it came, the email of all emails. My husband warned me of its arrival (but did so in a deceiving manner). The words were clear as day, yet stark as night. "You have many qualities that we like to see in a school counselor, HOWEVER, because of the great pool of people you have been placed on our wait list."
I had waited for this moment for a month, my expectations were that I would be fine either way, ecstatic if I got in, relieved if I did not. Emotions are tricky, they sneak up on you when you least expect them. I bawled. I cried for the whole night basically. Although it was not a clear rejection, it was like getting dumped. Lets just be friends and see where it goes from there.
So, as I always say, what now, what are you going to do about it. After the initial rejection wore off, relief did come. Relief that I may be able to start a family sooner than I had thought, relief that I have the option of starting the orphanage/group home, relief that I can be a foster parent within the next 4 years. My relief was just a bit delayed, due to the snow perhaps.
Now, I still feel like Im floundering a bit. I don't yet know if I have clear direction. But, man I love working with my kids. Ive only had them for a couple weeks and they stress me out and make me crazy, but I love them. Needless to say, I like my job.
Also, I have options, I am not bound to one major or one career path. I just keep praying that God uses me however he pleases, and that my flip-flop-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-life-feel-like-Im-going-in-a-million-directions funk doesn't get in the way of HIS plans for my life.
Maybe Im just a little bit crazy (you have to be to work in social work), but I am kind of liking where I am at all the sudden. Not completely knowing lends to my reliance on God, and thats a good place to be.
There's your update, in as creative of a blog as I can muster after a long day.
Who knows, maybe I will just end up a photographer, God has done stranger things...
I wanted to go to grad school, then I didn't, then I wanted to go for school counseling, then I was unsure, then I wanted to start an orphanage, then I was unsure, then it all got flipped on its side. I had said for the past month that if I did not get into grad school I would probably see that as my answer as to whether or not I should go. Then, it came, the email of all emails. My husband warned me of its arrival (but did so in a deceiving manner). The words were clear as day, yet stark as night. "You have many qualities that we like to see in a school counselor, HOWEVER, because of the great pool of people you have been placed on our wait list."
I had waited for this moment for a month, my expectations were that I would be fine either way, ecstatic if I got in, relieved if I did not. Emotions are tricky, they sneak up on you when you least expect them. I bawled. I cried for the whole night basically. Although it was not a clear rejection, it was like getting dumped. Lets just be friends and see where it goes from there.
So, as I always say, what now, what are you going to do about it. After the initial rejection wore off, relief did come. Relief that I may be able to start a family sooner than I had thought, relief that I have the option of starting the orphanage/group home, relief that I can be a foster parent within the next 4 years. My relief was just a bit delayed, due to the snow perhaps.
Now, I still feel like Im floundering a bit. I don't yet know if I have clear direction. But, man I love working with my kids. Ive only had them for a couple weeks and they stress me out and make me crazy, but I love them. Needless to say, I like my job.
Also, I have options, I am not bound to one major or one career path. I just keep praying that God uses me however he pleases, and that my flip-flop-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-life-feel-like-Im-going-in-a-million-directions funk doesn't get in the way of HIS plans for my life.
Maybe Im just a little bit crazy (you have to be to work in social work), but I am kind of liking where I am at all the sudden. Not completely knowing lends to my reliance on God, and thats a good place to be.
There's your update, in as creative of a blog as I can muster after a long day.
Who knows, maybe I will just end up a photographer, God has done stranger things...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Really?!?!?!?
So, we all know the economy is in the tank, but some idiot can afford to spend almost $40,000 on a (singular) picture of Madonna.
Really?
Im sorry, but no wonder we have a credit crisis, people spend absurd amounts of money on the stupidest things!
Really?
Im sorry, but no wonder we have a credit crisis, people spend absurd amounts of money on the stupidest things!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Inspired
I was in need of some creativity so I went on a little adventure around Tippecanoe county and got some of my favorite shots to date! The colors and the beauty in the run down things is what really intrigued me! Enjoy...
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