Monday, December 30, 2013

The Waiting Game

Waiting... Waiting... Waiting.

Ever had a big life event on the horizon? You know that anticipatory anxiety you get before big events, those butterflies in your stomach? Yep. Every day. Every Single Day! You see when you get married or have a big birthday or whatever you have an end date. Every contraction, every hour, every weird feeling I think "is this it?"

Even though I have a due date, due dates mean squat. Only like 5% of women actually deliver on their due date. I have yet to understand why they don't give you a due week or due month, lets be real, that's much more accurate.

Honestly, I thought we would have met little G by now. We had a false labor scare the Sunday before Christmas and thought it might even be the real thing, I mean when they checked me I was already 3 cm and 80% with contractions every 2 to 3 minutes. 2 hours after arriving, nothing changed so we went home thinking it would be any day and definitely within the week. Nope. 8 days later, still pregnant.

So I wait, and I wait and I wait.

Big G asked me  last night if I would rather know the end date or if I would rather not. Honestly, if I knew when this would all come to a head I would probably be more anxious than I am now. You see, this pregnancy has been wrought with anxiety and denial. It's not something I planned for and I have had a terrible time coming to grips with the upcoming changes. I also have a daughter to worry about this time around and I am in constant fear of something going wrong and E having to deal with the consequences of that at such a young age.

But God is faithful and trustworthy and I have had to lean on that truth over and over. I often feel lead to read Isaiah 41. I can sum the chapter up in 1 sentence. Do not be afraid, I am with you. Such grace that God has for his kids to give them that hope and assurance. "Don't be afraid of this, I will hold your hand through it. I will be with you." Thank you Jesus.

So we wait in eager anticipation for a little boy who is going to forever change our lives and bring us immeasurable love and joy over the course of his life. Someday in the very near future our little threesome will become four and our hearts will overflow with more love than we can imagine even possible. That's what excites me, so I hold on to that hope and excitement and try my darnedest to focus on what will more than likely go right than what could remotely go wrong.

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