I said I would write an update blog, and here it is.
Right now the word that best captures this time in my life is Transition. I have transitioned to being a married woman, transitioned out of school, into the working world, and a lot of my friendships have been transitioning as well. I will also be making more transitions in the coming years. For a person who does not always adjust well to change, transition is a daunting word to describe your life.
For this reason, life has been somewhat difficult as of late. I have lost friends for various reasons. I have had a lot of friends move out of state, lost some to difficult situations, and others to reasons unknown to me. I have also gained friends, but for me I have always had a very difficult time making friends. I gain a lot of acquaintances, but few deep friends who I feel that I really connect with. One of my best friends just moved away out of state and now I feel that I am back in that place. A place where I feel lonely and in need of some serious girl time. Granted, she just left yesterday, I have realized that her absence leaves me with few deep married girl friendships. I have other married friends that I adore, don't get me wrong, but none that I have connected with on that level, at least yet.
So I pray. I have been praying for awhile now, and receiving prayer, that I would find a friend to fill that spot. God desires for us to have deep lasting relationships with one another. I have found that without that in my life, it is much easier for me to make a mess of it. I have struggled for a long time with feeling left out and as if I don't fit in, anywhere. I had a friend tell me once that she thought I was a "popular girl." Flattered, but confused, I laughed and asked why she would think such a thing. She explained and yet I sat there thinking that could never be, Ive never been popular. I struggle a lot with that, to this day. I take things too personally, and find ways that people ignore me or reasons that they must dislike me. I spend much of my time worrying what others think of me, rather than just simply working on the areas that need an extra bit of love and development.
So what will I do? I will work on myself. Not worry so much whether or not people like me or if I fit in. I will rely on God to bring me that deep friendship and continue to nurture the ones I have made over the past few years. I will learn to be me and let people accept me for just that, and if they don't accept me for who I am, I will learn to be ok with that.
Easier said than done I suppose. I'm a work in progress.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Maybe tomorrow I will write an update blog, a lots been going on! But for the past couple weeks I have been thinking a lot about marriage in today's society. Mainly I have been thinking of the fragility of marriage today.
How often, these days, do you hear of marriages that last? How often do you see people divorce. I would say the latter is definitely winning at this point. I have always felt like marriage today is disposable. It is no longer "til death do us part" it is now "til dislike do us part" Marriage is no longer sacred (another topic for another day), no longer looked upon as something that is unending, and no longer something that people take seriously. Marriage is disposable. They even have a new term for first marriages that end in divorce... They are called the "starter marriage." Because really you can't get it right the first time and those vows you said meant nothing. Its like the "oops marriage." Oh Im sorry, I made a mistake, Oh well lets get divorced. People don't see the impact that it places on others or even themselves for that matter.
Anyways, my title had something to do with Jon and Kate plus 8 for a reason. As most people know, they may be getting divorced (some say its a ratings boost, some say there really are problems). Honestly, its not our life and not our place to even know. However, they have willingly placed themselves in the public eye and decided to show the world all of their problems. If you follow the show, you know that they just renewed their vows to say to their children that they would be together forever. Well now that their are affair rumors, tabloid stories, and the like, thus they may dissolve. What many people have been talking about is how this is affecting their children. I agree that now with them allowing the camera's to continue rolling, they are documenting something that will or could inevitably scar their children. It is not only difficult to see your parent's divorce, but utterly devastating to have it documented on a reality television show.
To my point, people seem to be forgetting how things that they do affect those around them. I can hope and pray that this family (as well as many others) will fight for their marriage and fight for the love that they once shared, but I am not those people. I do not know what is best for them or for their families. What I do know is this, this trend, this disposable marriage, is simply evidence of the loss of love for one another in today's culture. The loss of family. The loss of community. We are individualistic and we only want what is best for me, myself, and I. Until we realize that this life is not about us and start living that way, divorce rates will climb and people will continue to look out for only themselves. Jesus commands us to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Love God, Love Others. Nowhere does it say that we should put ourselves first or even second for that matter. Put God first, then family, marriage, friendships, strangers, the list goes on. Then once you get through those you can worry about yourself.
I could blog, write, type, scream, and yell about this all day. Nothing will change until people realize the significance of putting others before themselves, not giving up, and fighting for what you love and what you believe in. Love God. Love People. Fight for Love. Don't give up, don't lay down and take it, do something. Change. Grow. People have lost the will to fight for love. Don't lose it, fight everyday. Fight for what is right and good. Fight for marriage, for family, for your friendships. Just don't give up.