Sunday, May 31, 2009

Life in Transition

I said I would write an update blog, and here it is.

Right now the word that best captures this time in my life is Transition. I have transitioned to being a married woman, transitioned out of school, into the working world, and a lot of my friendships have been transitioning as well. I will also be making more transitions in the coming years. For a person who does not always adjust well to change, transition is a daunting word to describe your life.

For this reason, life has been somewhat difficult as of late. I have lost friends for various reasons. I have had a lot of friends move out of state, lost some to difficult situations, and others to reasons unknown to me. I have also gained friends, but for me I have always had a very difficult time making friends. I gain a lot of acquaintances, but few deep friends who I feel that I really connect with. One of my best friends just moved away out of state and now I feel that I am back in that place. A place where I feel lonely and in need of some serious girl time. Granted, she just left yesterday, I have realized that her absence leaves me with few deep married girl friendships. I have other married friends that I adore, don't get me wrong, but none that I have connected with on that level, at least yet.

So I pray. I have been praying for awhile now, and receiving prayer, that I would find a friend to fill that spot. God desires for us to have deep lasting relationships with one another. I have found that without that in my life, it is much easier for me to make a mess of it. I have struggled for a long time with feeling left out and as if I don't fit in, anywhere. I had a friend tell me once that she thought I was a "popular girl." Flattered, but confused, I laughed and asked why she would think such a thing. She explained and yet I sat there thinking that could never be, Ive never been popular. I struggle a lot with that, to this day. I take things too personally, and find ways that people ignore me or reasons that they must dislike me. I spend much of my time worrying what others think of me, rather than just simply working on the areas that need an extra bit of love and development.

So what will I do? I will work on myself. Not worry so much whether or not people like me or if I fit in. I will rely on God to bring me that deep friendship and continue to nurture the ones I have made over the past few years. I will learn to be me and let people accept me for just that, and if they don't accept me for who I am, I will learn to be ok with that.

Easier said than done I suppose. I'm a work in progress.

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