Monday, June 8, 2009

On a constant search for perfection...

However, I will never find it. At least not on this earth. Lately, I have realized how much I desire to be perfect. To be the perfect wife, case worker, student, photographer, cook, writer, friend, lover... the list goes on and on and on. There are even days when I wish I were good at things that I have never even done. I mean, I watch SYTYCD (So you think you can dance) and constantly think... I wish I could do that. Although many of us feel that way, I tend to take it to an unhealthy level. I try to be the best at everything, and when I fail (which inevitably happens) I am left thinking I am not good enough. I read blogs and wish I could write as poetically as others. I look at photographs and try my darndest to figure out how they did what they did. I see how other wives treat their husbands and wish I could fit myself into that mold. But I can't, I just don't seem to fit.
The marvelous thing about all of this is that I don't have to fit, and honestly I shouldn't fit. I am not that person. God created me to be just that, me. Not her, not you, me. God had in mind what my talents would be, the gifts that He would thoughtfully give me, the person I would become. I find relief in that. I don't have to be perfect, because let’s face it, nobody is. However, the one who is perfect made me knowing all of my imperfections. My crooked teeth, my sarcasm, my ability to fly into a rage in mere seconds, my procrastination, my ability to come up with an opinion for just about anything (my business or not), and my constant quest for the things that I can't or don't have.

All of this is not to say that we should not strive to do God's will and be as close to perfect as a human can be (which we all know is pretty far off from perfect), but to say that it’s ok that we are not the best at everything, that we don't always have it all together. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, or at least I do. I need to be grateful for the gifts and talents that God has given me, because He gave them for me to use. He gave them to me for a reason.

So what? I need to stop trying so hard to get the things that I don't have and work on the gifts and talents that I do have. I'm not a perfect wife, but I love my husband dearly. I am not a chef, but I love to learn new techniques and the science behind food. I am not a professional photographer, but I work hard and find solace in my creativity. I am not the perfect student or worker, but my heart is always in it. I'm not a perfect Christian who has it all together, but I love Jesus and really do want to do His will and not mine. I will never not be good enough for the mere fact that Jesus loves me, cares for me, and calls me his child.

1 comment:

Mindy said...

Amen to that! I always watch SYTYCD and wish I could dance like that. Or watch food network and wonder why my cake didn't look like that. You should post what you chose for your portfolio pics so that those of us who hate facebook can see them