Monday, April 19, 2010


Quiet - the word that describes me as of late. However, nothing about my life right now is quiet. I am busy, beyond busy with school and work. Yet, I sit here and write, because its a wanted distraction from writing papers about nothing in particular.

I've been quiet for other reasons to. I find myself with little to say, which if you know me is unlike me. I have been in a rut for some time now. I would like to say its been a short sort of rut, but I think I have been in it for a little longer than would qualify for the description of short. I have been intensely lonely lately. This is due to a couple of reasons, none of which bare mentioning on a public blog. Mainly, I miss my best friends. I have some really great friendships with some really great women who all (except one) happen to live, at minimum, 2 hours away. Two of which live in completely different states. I miss having people who "get" me. These friends understand my sarcasm, get my impatience, and don't seem to mind when I say "flippin" or "frickin a" when I get frustrated or excited. They get that when Im busy I get stressed out, flustered, and sometimes need a shoulder to cry on. These women know me deeply, they know my past, they have been with me through tough times, and they understand why I am who I am. Even now, I sit here, staring at the blinking line that begs me to keep typing and I don't know what to type. I just miss them. I miss being free enough to spend time with the ones that are close and call the ones that aren't. I miss being as happy as I used to be. That what ruts seem to do to you, deplete you of your joy.

God created us to be in relationship with one another and the past year has been really tough in that area for me. You can read through my blog and see why, no need to rehash it all now. However, I am so thankful for those friends who get me. Cassie, Meggan, Julie, and Sarah K, I don't know where Id be without you. If you read this, thanks for being great friends who love me and accept me as I am.

Note: This blog is not to say that I don't have other good friends or to say that people have been bad to me in any way. Just a rut. PS my husband has been such a trooper during this rut, he is such a great support.

Hopefully as the summer sun begins to shine and I begin to regain some control over how I spend my time, the rut will lessen and I won't be so down.

Summer get here soon :)

1 comment:

Cassie Tedder said...

Heather...I love you and can understand from my end the loneliness you are experiencing. I miss you so incredibly dearly it hurts in my heart...I have often cried at the memories we shared together and the inability to spend life with you now. Know that I never stop thinking and praying for you- you are always in my heart. Even though we are farther apart now, you are still my dear friend and how I smile upon our friendship and the times we did get to laugh, cry, be grumpy and stressed, mad and giddy, childish and..ourselves together-on a more present and regular basis. You are so much more than a friend- more like a one-of-a-kind kindred spirit and sister. I love you.