Tuesday, August 27, 2013

In the Quiet

Today, as I laid in the quiet stillness of our bedroom, tissues scattered across the bed, hot tea by my side, I noticed something. Something I wouldn't typically notice because on a normal day I am not lying in bed during the midday light. 

Our walls look lavender. Our gray walls, the ones that are supposed to be neutral so as not to emasculate my husband who is currently outnumbered 2 to 1, they look light purple. Feminine, girly, flowery, all things that come to mind when you think lavender. Not masculine, not even gender neutral. 

Oh well, in the evening, when it matters, it looks gray. But, why am I writing about this? What in the world does this have to do with anything?

After I noticed my lavender walls, I began to think. What other things am I missing? What other things are only noticeable in the quiet. In the midday light. You see, I am pretty good at talking to God. Asking Him what he wants to do with us, asking for what we need/want. However, often I struggle with listening for God. Having patience and waiting on Him to answer. Instead, I keep asking, keep talking. 

What am I missing God speak when I cover the silence with the babbling of my thoughts. I've felt distant from God lately, like there is some sort of static making it hard to hear what He is doing, hard to know what He wants from me. That static I'm hearing is my own chattering. There is no disconnect, no technical difficulties, just me getting in the way. 

I wonder what I would hear if I could stand the silence for longer than a minute. If I could just be still and wait in the silence. If I was able to turn off all of the distractions, the constant humming of thoughts whizzing about in my head. If I would be patient enough to wait in the silence to hear God speak. Maybe I would get the direction and affirmation that I desperately seek. Maybe I wouldn't feel overlooked, forgotten. 

You see, God sometimes speaks to us loudly and clearly. But often I have found that it is in the quiet, in the wait that I find God's voice among the many competing distractions of my mind. Those moments, those small whispers, have impact that far outweighs their volume. 

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