On Friday night our friend Lauren came over and watched our little E so that Greg and I could go out on a date. Those have been few and far between in the past months and it was a wonderful getaway, even if only for a couple hours.
After a little Mini Golf (which by the way, in case you were wondering I am horrible at) we went for some fro yo. Greg doesn't really like fro yo, but thankfully he loves his wife and sacrifices for her from time to time. Anyways, back to the point. While we were enjoying our fro yo outside we talked about various things. One thing that came up was how I have been blogging a lot more recently. I looked at my husband, who hates loaded questions, and shot one at him. "Do you think it's ok that I write what I write on my blog?" Or something along those lines, I'm pregnant, details elude me sometimes.
It was loaded though, I know that. I do that on purpose sometimes. Mainly because I know he is one person who will be truthful with me. He might try to sugarcoat it a little, but I've known the guy for more than a decade and I can read him well enough to know what he is really trying to say.
He shot back an equally loaded question. "Well, why do you write it?"
Hm. Um. I'm not sure. Wait, let me think about this. I was not prepared for that question. I hadn't really thought about it before. Do I write a blog for attention? For influence? Just because?
Let's be real, it's probably a little of all three. However, I think the biggest reason I write is because I am a very verbal person. I like words, although my grammar has a lot to be desired, there is something about putting words on paper (or on a computer screen) that take them from floating about in my head to being worthwhile. It gives my thoughts meaning and reason. And I have a lot of thoughts. Lots of them. Really, my brain is pretty hard to shut down.
So, you all get to see a sort of public journal. For awhile I thought this would be a great focus for my food and my photography, or funny quips about raising children. It hasn't been that though. If you notice I write a lot about God and what He is doing in and around me. Not because I am super spiritual or that I even know what he is doing, but because it takes my questions for and about God and puts meaning to them.
When things are difficult, I write. I write truth because I need to be reminded of that truth. In my writing I make the assumption that I'm not alone in my questions. In my wondering about why God chooses to do what he does. I assume that others might be encouraged by being reminded about the same truths that I seem to need to drill into my own head over and over. God loves us. He has grace on us. He has a plan. That's what it all comes down to really. God's plan doesn't always align with ours and then we are left with unmet expectations that we then have to deal with. We have to question, we have wrestle. We have to wrestle the lies and the half truths that the enemy feeds us, oh they sound good, but we have to get back to the truth. Back to reality.
So, that's why I write. I do want to have an influence, and according to the sermon in church this morning, "we are made to be influential." I want to have a positive impact. But really, I just want to understand God and his truths and the best way for me to do that is to write them down.